sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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