So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
