Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
