I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
