i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
