He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
