i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When are your genitals available?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
