am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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