We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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