guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
