he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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