She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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