Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Houston, we have a squirter
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
