he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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