I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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