They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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