Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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