wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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