whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
