she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
