yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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