No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
