some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
