Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
