So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love you. Go after that dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
