Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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