Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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