My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
