He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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