i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love having hate sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
organizing the empties. That sober.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
