dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
