he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
