I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
