I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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