When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
