matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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