fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
