I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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