I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
