If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
