Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
