I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
