On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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