did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
