You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
