We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
