Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
