I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
