rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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