you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cockslap morals
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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