I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
