so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
