i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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