Me too!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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