My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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