I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
