at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
