The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
