Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
