Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
