Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
