I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize