I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
