I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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