He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
