I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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