I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dicks are not precious.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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