You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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