Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
