i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
