He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
