Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
