I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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