thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
