So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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