Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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