I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize