Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
