Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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