Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
