I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
